In my head

I’m a little nervous.

I’ve been feeling especially paranoid these past couple of days.

I don’t like the idea of being away from my Owey at all.

But I still jump every time I hear it.

Back at work on Monday. At least I won’t be alone there, so that should help me feel better.

If its too much, I’ll just have to go home.
I do want to be stronger, but its hard when I’m so scared. 

These past few days haven’t really been relaxing, but its still been nice being able to spend so much time with my dearest

Yesterday I went to a work meeting, and the girl who used to be my best friend, until the September Earthquake was there.

An Earthquake is a strange time to stop being friends with someone, isn’t it?
Completely coincidental.
Something happened, and I couldn’t trust her at all anymore. She betrayed me in one of the worst ways.

So I just stopped talking to her. She starts trying to make sure I’m alright. I’ve been on Facebook, commenting on posts this entire time, so clearly I’m fine.
And then, she has a spazz about me not caring about her, and only caring about my stuff and store, and deletes me off every friend list from every social media possible.

I was pretty over the drama at this point, so I didn’t bother to pursue it.
She never even bothered to try and ask me what was up.

She tried apologising to me later, but I just couldn’t trust her anymore.
How could I know that she wasn’t going to just go doing the same thing again?
Which she did, as I found out a day after.

We were friends for 12 years. 12. Fucking. Years.
Why would she turn her loyalties for someone she barely knew?

I still can’t figure it out.

Yesterday was hard. I’ve seen her once before, at the work party at Christmas time. But there was enough people there that I could just mingle in my own group of my new friends. Friends who would never ever betray my trust like that.

This time it was different. There were only a few of us. It felt like every time I had a friend I wanted to talk to, she was there. I couldn’t get away from her.
I didn’t say a word to her. I couldn’t even bring myself to look at her.
I’m still so angry and hurt to this day.
I can never forgive. I can never forget.

Now she’s manager too. I bet she thinks she’s so much better than me, because she got further faster than I did.
And she can think that if she wants to.
My friends up here don’t judge me. They know I’m good, and they know the field up here is intensely competitive.

I cannot help but sound bitchy when I speak of this subject.
But not many things have burned me more than this past year and her involvement in it. 

I wish things had turned out differently.
I miss the girl she used to be.
She stopped understanding me, and then she stopped caring about me.

I want my friend back. 
But it just isn’t worth the hurt anymore… 

I’m not sure where to go from here.

My beautiful city has been utterly devastated.

I love this city. I love the friends I’ve made here, and I love my job.
But I don’t like living in constant fear of what’s going to happen.

It’s easy enough to say that this could happen anywhere, any time, but that’s different to it happening in the same place multiple times.
Every time it happens, damage gets worse. More structural integrity gets compromised.

City centre. It was “safe” to work in those buildings. But that was assuming another Earthquake didn’t hit them.
And then it did.
Several buildings collapsed this time.
Some were newer.
Despite all the damage, it still could have been worse, but it definitely doesn’t looks great.

I went to a work meeting today, to find out what was going on.
It was great to see my friends, even if they weren’t in the best of spirits either.
I wanted to stay with them, but I also didn’t want to be outside.

I just hate being scared all the time.
But then where else could I go? 

Ramone is okay, thank god.

Just thought I should follow that up.

Almost all of my friends have been accounted for.

I’m worried about those I don’t know about though.

I worry for the people I made friends with while working at town store.
Customers and security detail. I hope they are all okay.

In particular, I worry for Ramone.
Someone. Anyone. If you’ve heard from him, PLEASE let everyone know

I’m constantly on edge.

Terrified.

I can’t even comprehend what’s going to happen from here.

At least so far everyone I know is safe.

Thoughts go out to those that aren’t.

First official day at Riccarton today!!
I’m going to fucking rock this!!

—-

Finished Mass Effect 2 last night.
Fuck it was amazing.
I’ve never played a more intense endgame.
I was glued to the screen until I finished it.

I only got about 5 hours sleep -_-

—-

Yesterday I went to see an exhibit at the museum with my darling.
It was about a team of English explorers who aimed to be the first to reach the South Pole.
Look up the Terra Nova expedition if you’re interested.

Anyway, they took a photographer with them on this journey, and he took some of the most amazing photos I’ve ever seen.
And they were incredibly old.

It made me feel inspired.
If someone can take such gorgeous photos back then with such primitive equipment by todays standards, then imagine the potential in this day and age.

So I’m going to start getting back into my photography.
And actually buy a proper camera this time.
It will just be a hobby, but it won’t just be crappy photos of my cat all the time.

I’m not setting out with the intention to make a living out of it.
I just want to do it for fun, and if something comes of it, then that’s awesome.
If not, at least I’ve been doing something I want to. 

That’s what Sony can go smoke.

My PS3 died again this morning.
I tried the self fix a few weeks ago, and it worked.
I got my saves off it, and finished Final Fantasy XIII.

I’d been playing Burnout Paradise, and fucking enjoying it, and it died in the middle of a road rage event.

I’m still unsure as to why. It was running perfectly fine, and wasn’t overheating, so wtf is its problem?

My 06 360 is still running fine (touch wood).

Ah well. At least I have my Xbox, my baby, and Deadmau5 to make me feel better.
Maybe later on I’ll dash across to the road to work and try pick up Burnout on 360 instead. 

Last day in town today!

So excited!!!

Can’t wait for Riccarton!!!

A few people think I’m crazy for looking forward to it so much.
Maybe I won’t like it so much come mid year sale, but we’ll see.

For now…

Soexcitedsoexcitedsoexcitedsoexcitedsoexcitedsoexcitedsoexcitedsoexcitedsoexcitedsoexcitedsoexcitedsoexcitedsoexcited

My trial day at Riccarton yesterday was amazing <3
I felt so motivated!

So going back to town today was very…anticlimactic.

I love my town store, but I got a buzz from the activity in Riccarton, and town has been seeing less and less people lately.

A few of my regulars are considering switching to Riccarton so they can keep dealing with me =D

—-

The more vocal dance tracks I listen to, the more it makes me want to really get into vocals like that.

Main examples being:

*I remember - Deadmau5 and Kaskade
*Move for me - Deadmau5 and Kaskade
*Fever - Cascada
*Come Fly Away - Benny Benassi feat. Channing
*Believer - Freemasons feat. Wynter Gordon

I’m sure there’s more but I can’t think of them right now.
If you haven’t checked them out, you should.

My darling seems to be making progress making his music, so maybe he’ll let me do vocals on a couple or something? 

This isn’t post number 2, just untitled number 2.

—-

I have a trial day at Riccarton today, before the official move happens next week.

I’m even looking forward to this. 

Feels weird thinking I only have two more shifts at town store, but it’s something I’ll get used to.

—-

I’m so happy up here.

My job is awesome again. I made a bunch of amazing friends. I realised who my real friends from back home were.
The woman who is one of my closest friends is someone I’ve only known for a year, and she’s amazing <3

I’m going to keep trying for manager.
Nobody up here thinks they’re better than me because they got further quicker.
They all know I should be manager too, and treat me as such =3

—-

My partner is amazing.
We’ve discussed our plans for the future, and things like getting engaged and buying a house are things that can wait a few years.
We want to live a little first. 

My baby is making his music while I do a job that I love.
We’re going to travel the world, go to a bunch of festivals and see music artists we love before settling down.

What’s the rush, right? 

A lot of (single) people get depressed or angry or whatever about Valentines day.
Claiming it’s commercialised too heavily, which, in part is true. 

But why?
It’s not really different to any other day of the year.
Sure, couples are going out of their way to show their love for each other, and spending all that extra money on each other is kinda silly for just one day when they should always be showing their partner how much they love them.

But it shouldn’t make that much of a difference to single people.
Nobody is going to think less of you because you don’t have a Valentine.
There will always be couples. Its not like Valentines is the one day of the year when you’re alone, and everyone else isn’t.

Having a Valentine is nice but its not essential to enjoy the day.
I still maintain that I had just as good a Valentines day when my Valentine was my best friend at the time, the beautiful miss ToniLarry.
We were both still in school, so she sent her sister to my school with a gorgeous card and a rose.

I still have both of those things.

—-

I wonder how many people will think “It’s easy for you to say all this, you have a Valentine”

Yes I do. And he’s gorgeous. But this isn’t the only day we do stuff to show we appreciate each other =/ 

I start at Riccarton in just over a week. I’m pretty excited.

Am I pissed about not getting manager? Yes and no. Yes, because I worked so hard in that store and really helped turn things around there and now I’m just getting moved out of it like I was never there. 
No because I wasn’t “beaten” for my store by some n00b or outsider.
The girl who is managing my store now has been with the company for like 100 years (not quite that long. She’d get mad if she thought I was calling her old) so it makes sense that she would be promoted. 

What does make me a little peeved is when the undeserving get promoted.

But Riccarton is going to be great, and being ASM of that store is an honour in itself.
I can do this >=3 

—-

I had an amazing night last night just venting to various people and catching up with peeps and getting to know them better.

Today was even better. I just spent some time in the city with my baby looking at things I want to one day buy

We made butter chicken toasties, and there’s a huge bowl of guac sitting in the fridge =3

We’re watching some of Ricky Gervais’s live comedy shows, and maybe later we’ll play some Borderlands.

—-

I’ve been thinking about getting back into my artistic roots lately. Specifically drawing and singing.

I want to get some quality colouring pens, but I can never seem to find the kind I want. Maybe I should get a tablet and colour on PC instead.

And singing I’ve always loved. I think I have a pretty good voice, with a fair vocal range, but I know I can do better. I think I just need some lessons to be better =/